I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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