I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
