ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
