Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
