found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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