thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
my being single is dangerous.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
