i don't like sucking hair
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
