I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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