Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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