did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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