Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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