I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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