My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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