we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
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