i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
