Its about making memories worth repressing
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
