Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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