I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
