If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
