And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Randomize
