found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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