I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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