You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
