no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
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This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
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Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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