I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
