I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Green mimosas i think yes
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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