can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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