Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
We got so high we made milksteak
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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