Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
