I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
