Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
