How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
