he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
