thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Randomize
