I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Randomize
