it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
My cat gives me a boner
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
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