well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
