Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
pop tarts are not kleenex
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
COCAINE IS GR8
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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