Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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