I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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