Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
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It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
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Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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