He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Randomize
