I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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