Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
