worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
