Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
