Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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