Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
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he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
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I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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