Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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