She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
