I'm so fucking centered right now
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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