i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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