You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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