So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
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I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
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