i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
