who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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