i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
