Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
